Buffy The Vampire Slayer



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Riley: Oh, that might be toxic, don't touch it.
Xander: Oh yeah, touching it was my first impulse. Luckily I've moved on to my second, which involves dry-heaving and running like hell.
--"Buffy the Vampire Slayer" (WB)



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Buffy: What if their problems are weird and tricky?
Xander: I think you underestimate your familiarity with the world of weird and tricky.
--"Buffy the Vampire Slayer" (WB)



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Oz: Do you often steal weapons from the military base?
Willow: Well, we don't have cable, so we have to make our own fun..
--"Buffy the Vampire Slayer" (WB)



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Anya: Oh, who ordered more chicken's feet? The ones we have aren't moving at all.
Xander: That's generally what happens when you cut them off the chicken.
Anya: Maybe we could do a holiday promotion -- one free with every purchase.
Giles: Oh, yes... dear holiday memories. Merry tykes by the fire enjoying their new Christmas... chicken feet.
--"Buffy the Vampire Slayer" (WB)



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Spike: We're out of Corn Flakes again.
Giles: We are out of Corn Flakes because you ate them all. Again.
Spike: Get some more.
Giles: I thought vampires were supposed to eat blood.
Spike: Yeah, well, sometimes I like to crumble up the Corn Flakes in the blood. Gives it a little texture.
Giles: Since the picture you just painted means that I will never touch food of any kind again, you'll just have to pick it up yourself.
--"Buffy the Vampire Slayer" (WB)



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Olivia: All the time you used to talk to me about witchcraft and darkness and the like - I just thought you were being pretentious.
Giles: Oh I was. I was also right.
Olivia: So everything you told me was true.
Giles: Well no, um, I wasn't actually one of the original members of Pink Floyd. But the monster stuff, yes...
--"Buffy the Vampire Slayer" (WB)



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Spike: You know there are quite a few American beers that are highly underrated. This, unfortunately, is not one of them.
--"Buffy the Vampire Slayer" (WB)



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Willow: We can come by between classes! Usually I use that time to copy over my class notes with a system of different colored pens...but it's been pointed out to me that that's, you know, insane.
Tara: I said 'quirky.'
--"Buffy the Vampire Slayer" (WB)



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Buffy: Look, I realize that every Slayer comes with an expiration mark on the package. But, I want mine to be a long time from now. Like a Cheetoh...
--"Buffy the Vampire Slayer" (WB)



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Willow: I'm not stealing. I'm just taking things without paying for them. In what twisted dictionary is that stealing?
--"Buffy the Vampire Slayer" (WB)



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Willow: Well... When I'm with a boy I like it's hard for me to say anything cool, or witty, or at all... I can usually make a few vowel sounds. And then I have to go away...
--"Buffy the Vampire Slayer" (WB)



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Buffy: It's weird, though. In his way, I feel like he's still watching me.
Willow: Well, in a way he sort of is... in the way of that he's right over there...
--"Buffy the Vampire Slayer" (WB)



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Xander: Needs should definitely be met, as long as it doesn't require ointments the next day...
--"Buffy the Vampire Slayer" (WB)



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Giles: Why should someone want to harm Cordelia?
Willow: Maybe because they met her? Did I say that?
--"Buffy the Vampire Slayer" (WB)



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Buffy: I told one lie. I had one drink.
Giles: Yes, and you were very nearly devoured by a giant demon snake. The words, "let that be a lesson" are a tad redundant at this juncture....
--"Buffy the Vampire Slayer" (WB)



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Spike: They have chicken wings, too. Also, a sort of a flower-shaped thing made from an onion. It's brilliant.....
--"Buffy the Vampire Slayer" (WB)



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Anya: You know, you can laugh, but I have witnessed a millennium of treachery and oppression from the males of the species and I have nothing but contempt for the whole libidinous lot of them.
Xander: Then why are you talking to me?
Anya: I don't have a date for the prom.
Xander: Well gosh. I wonder why not. It couldn't possibly have anything to do with your sales pitch?
Anya: Men are evil. Will you go with me?
Xander: One of us is very confused, and I honestly don't know which....
--"Buffy the Vampire Slayer" (WB)



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Jenny: Cordelia is going to meet us.
Xander: Ooh, gang, did you hear that? A bonus day of class, plus Cordelia! Mix in a little rectal surgery and it's my best day ever!
--"Buffy the Vampire Slayer" (WB)



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Buffy: You're a vampire. Oh, I'm sorry, was that an offensive term? Should I say "undead American"?
--"Buffy the Vampire Slayer" (WB)



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Cordelia: I'm just saying, when tragedy strikes we have to look on the bright side, y'know? Like how even used Mercedes still have leather seats...
--"Buffy the Vampire Slayer" (WB)



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Xander: Duh! I mean, guys'll do anything to impress a girl. I once drank an entire gallon of Gatorade without taking a breath.
Willow: It was pretty impressive. Although later there was an ick factor.
--"Buffy the Vampire Slayer" (WB)



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Giles: All right, I'll just jump in my time machine, go back to the twelfth century and ask the vampires to postpone their ancient prophecy for a few days while you take in dinner and a show.
Buffy: Okay, at this point you're abusing sarcasm...
--"Buffy the Vampire Slayer" (WB)



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Natalie: Oh, Xander! I've done something really stupid. I hope you can forgive me.
Xander: Oh, forgiveness is my middle name! Well, actually it's LaVelle, and I'd appreciate it if you guard that secret with your life.
--"Buffy the Vampire Slayer" (WB)



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Willow: You’re not invisible to Buffy.
Xander: It’s worse. I’m just a part of the scenery, like an old shoe or a rug that you walk on every day but don’t even really see.
Willow: Like a pen that’s all chewed up, and you know you should throw it away, but you don’t, not ‘cause you like it so much more ‘cause you’re used to it…
Xander: Well, yeah, that is the point. You don’t have to drive it through my head like a railroad spike.
--"Buffy the Vampire Slayer" (WB)



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Principal Flutie: You burned down the gym.
Buffy: I did, I really did. But you're not seeing the big picture here. I mean, that gym was full of vampi ... asbestos.
--"Buffy the Vampire Slayer" (WB)



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Buffy: Who are you?
Angel: Let's just say ... I'm a friend.
Buffy: Yeah, well, maybe I don't want a friend.
Angel: I didn't say I was yours...
--"Buffy the Vampire Slayer" (WB)



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Xander: I'm still having trouble with the fact that one of us is just gonna gun everybody down for no reason.
Cordelia: Yeah, because that never happens in American high schools.
Oz: It's bordering on trendy at this point.
--"Buffy the Vampire Slayer" (WB)



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Xander: Looks like a job for Wiccan girl. What do you say, Will? Big time danger.
Willow: Hey, I eat danger for breakfast.
Xander: But oddly enough, she panics in the face of breakfast foods.
--"Buffy the Vampire Slayer" (WB)



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Anya: Look, I know you find me attractive. I've seen you looking at my breasts.
Xander: Nothing personal, but when a guy does that it just means his eyes are open.
--"Buffy the Vampire Slayer" (WB)



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Buffy: It's too bad Giles couldn't be librarian here. Be convenient.
Willow: Well, he says he's enjoying being a gentleman of leisure.
Buffy: Gentleman of leisure? Isn't that just British for unemployed?
--"Buffy the Vampire Slayer" (WB)



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Giles: Let's not jump to any conclusions.
Buffy: I didn't jump. I took one tiny step, and there conclusions were.
--"Buffy the Vampire Slayer" (WB)



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Riley: These spells, these really work? I mean, can you really "turn your enemies inside out"? Or "learn to excrete gold coins"?
--"Buffy the Vampire Slayer" (WB)

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Xander: Ooh, Sunnydale bus depot. Classy. What better way to introduce someone to our country than with the stench of urine....
--"Buffy the Vampire Slayer" (WB)