Malcolm in the Middle

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Lois: Look at those Parker boys across the street. They may be healthy, but, honest to God, those are the ugliest little boys ever born. They look like boiled beets, don't you think? And those Henderson kids? They electrocuted their dog when they were trying to get free cable. How smart can they be? Just remember, any kid who makes fun of you is a creepy little loser who will end up working in a car wash....
--"Malcolm in the Middle" (FOX)


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Malcolm: I did the math once; it turns out, every 17.4 dinners, my family actually has a pleasant meal together....
--"Malcolm in the Middle" (FOX)


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Lois: Fate is what you call it when you don't know the name of the person screwing you over...
--"Malcolm in the Middle" (FOX)


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Francis: Okay, I'm going to show you guys the coolest thing you have even seen. Get me some lighter fluid, a waffle iron, and one of Dewey's stuffed animals, the furrier the better...
--"Malcolm in the Middle" (FOX)