Scrubs


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Elliott: Well, isn't that just the pickle on the top of the giant crap sandwich that is my day...
--"Scrubs" (NBC)


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(playing video games)
Janitor: What's my motivation?
Turk: To kill space goblins.
Janitor: Yes, but am I killing them because I hate them, or because I disagree with their space-goblin values?

(later, holding a vigil for the space goblin he just killed)
Janitor: Forgive me, space goblin. If it were not for the novice setting and the 10 cups of coffee I had earlier today you might have bested me in the marsh of Kathrik. We're not too different, you and I, despite your arm mounted cannon and your insatiable taste for human flesh.
--"Scrubs" (NBC)



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Dr. Kelso: Well, sweetheart, you're here early.
Elliot: Yeah, well, you know I didn't have any plans last night, so I went to bed at 8 and then I woke up at 4. And then I realized that the sunrise just looks beautiful through the trees, and that my neighbor gets his paper in the nude...and that he needs to lose like 900 pounds.
Dr. Kelso: In the future, the appropriate response is, "Yes, I am here early". It's called 'small talk', not 'my depressing life in thirty seconds'.
--"Scrubs" (NBC)